No Dogs Allowed.

The one thing I swore that would never happen to me happened: I became a dog person. Much like falling in love, I can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened. I just woke up one day thinking "Oh no. I love dogs now." 

From the cinematic masterpiece "Clueless"

Certainly, the visit from Arrow didn't help. The moment he came up to me with those big blue eyes and soft ears, my heart melted a little. The previous day I had gone hiking with my friend's dog Addy and she was also a complete sweetheart. She doesn't really have a tail, so she wags her whole butt. What could be cuter than that? 

It got me thinking about the dogs I've met before. My previous excuse for disliking most dogs is that they are not well trained. I stand by this. In my neighborhood in Cincinnati, people either do not understand or do not care to train their dogs. Most interactions go something like this: 

I'm going for a quick walk around the block. I see my neighbor on the porch, Diet Mountain Dew Baja Blast Code Red in one hand and cigarette in the other. On the lawn is some variety of medium/large dog with a shock collar or chain. As I approach the house, the dog begins growling and pacing anxiously. 

Neighbor: Oh dontchu worry. She don't bite none. She may look mean but she got the heart of a angel. 

The dog, meanwhile, is now  yanking at its chain and barking furiously, maybe foaming a bit at the mouth. 

Neighbor: Bella, stop that. Bella, you know better. BELLA! BELLA YOU GETCHUR ASS OVER HERE! 

They then set down the drink and waddle off the porch to grab the beast by the collar. 

Neighbor: Sorry about that. She just gets a little excited is all. 

A typical house in my neighborhood, to set the scene.

 

Even worse is going over to someone's house. 

Host: You aren't allergic to dogs, right? 

Me: No. 

Host: Well Bubba here is real friendly. He may look big, but he's just a sweetheart. 

They open the door and an enormous dog jumps out, immediately launching itself at my face. 

Host: Aww! He likes you! He's gonna give you some kisses! 

The dog proceeds to sit on all furniture and eat off the table, with no regards to his owner's commands. 

After enough of these interactions, you really don't like dogs. They are at best smelly, loud nuisances, at worst, a reason to carry pepper spray. My parents are both marathoners and are frequently chased and attacked by dogs in the neighborhood that are supposedly "just big softies". (My dad was also chased by a crackhead who tried to run him over with his car, but that's another story.) 

That isn't to say that I hate all dogs. My neighbors had a very sweet dog named Snowy when I was little that I would feed treats through the fence and we ended up adopting one of her puppies. My grandparents had a Boston Terrier named Winston that was basically the mascot of the family. My friend had one of those crusty white dogs named Brownie that got so excited to see me it would pee a little (how many human friends are that excited?!). I was a dog Calvinist, believing that the average pet was totally depraved and needed the intervention of a human who has seen hundreds of hours of Caesar Milan to repent of its sins. 

the Dog God

 

Since moving to Utah, I haven't seen as many dogs. The ones I have met, I see while hiking, and they tend to be very well behaved and genuinely nice. However, this is likely due to self-selection. If you have the discipline to hike up a mountain, you can teach Rover to sit and stay. Although my perspective on dogs has become much more positive, I'd like to learn more about dogs in people's backyards. I'd really like to hope that my bad experiences with dogs are isolated and that most really are good boys.